Neil Boortz (the inimitable).
I know this is going to be hard for you to believe; but then again, maybe not. After all, we're installing foot baths at airports for Muslim cab drivers and in some Eurabian schools they won't even teach precious little Euroweenies about the Holocaust because they're afraid that some peace-loving Muslims might get their precious little feelings hurt.
Enter, stage left, A Dutch Catholic Bishop by the name of Martinus Muskens. He thinks he has the perfect solution to calming the troubled waters between Muslims and Christians. It's all very simple, really. Christians should just start referring to God as Allah!
Durn! Why didn't we think of that? Yup .. that pretty much ought to do it all right. If we would just walk around referring to God as Allah, why then I'm sure everything would be all hunky dory within just a few weeks!
But while we're busy changing the names of our churches to the So and So Church of Allah, maybe there's a few things that our lovely peace-loving Muslims could do to meet us halfway.
Here are a few suggestions. Perhaps you could toss them around the next time y'all gather at the Mosque.
Present a clear and uncompromising rejection of that section of your Qaran which tells Muslims that when they encounter a Christian they must either kill him, enslave him or convert him. Some Christians are having trouble with this Islamic mandate. Having to chose between death, enslavement or conversion can really bring a Christian down.
Stop shooting school children in the back. When your Muslim buddies killed 186 school children in Beslan back in 2004 it somehow angered a lot of Christians. Perhaps you should try not to do that again. I mean, come on! Some of these children were shot in the back, for Allah's sake, when they tried to run from those peace-loving Muslims! If you really want to practice your shoot-them-in-the-back skills, how about working on yourselves.
If one of your Muslim girl's schools catches on fire, do you think you could find it in your hearts to let the girls escape, even if they don't have time to put on head covering as they run from the flames? A lot of Christians read about that fire at the 31st Girls Middle School in Mecca in March of 2002. They read that the Saudi religious police, the Muttawa, actually prevented fire fighters and rescue personnel from entering the school because there were girls inside ... girls dying inside. Then, when some of the girls tried to escape without head coverings, the Muslim Muttawa actually pushed them back into the burning building. Fourteen girls died that day. None needed to. Christians found this to be just a wee bit offensive. These girls died because of the intolerance of the peaceful religion of Islam. So .. do you think that you could lighten up a bit when the next school catches on fire?
About those honor killings. You may not understand this, but Christians do not believe that God ... excuse me, I mean Allah ... wants them to kill their daughters if they are raped. Christians have this odd tendency to actually comfort their daughters and to try to help the recover, emotionally and physically, from the attacks, and then finish things by trying to kill whoever raped their daughter, as Allah intended. Now if we're going to refer to God as Allah, maybe you could stop killing your daughters. It's just a suggestion. Killing daughters really does have a tendency to cut back on Muslim population growth, so it's for your own good.
While we're at it .. and I hope you don't mind a few more suggestions .. could you please not refer to Jews as apes and pigs any more? It really makes them upset when a bunch of camel jockeys refer to them as apes and pigs.
If you get the sudden urge to fly any more airplanes into buildings in our country, try this: (A) select a building scheduled to be demolished. Las Vegas usually has an old casino or two they want to tear down. (B) Go out to the deserts of Arizona and find an old commercial airliner in mothballs. Use some of your oil money to buy it, and then you can paint all sort of Islamic slogans on the airplane ... things like "Mohammed is my co-pilot." (C) Fill the airplane with martyrs. You damned sure won't be able to find any virgins in Vegas. (D) Make sure the building is empty. (E) Knock yourselves out.
And what about those suicide bombers! From coffee shops in Tel Aviv to flower shops in Baghdad to nightclubs in Bali. If you want to see the bodies of your sons and daughters scattered all over the landscape and plastered all over the walls, tell them to attack some American servicemen. Our men and women will fight back. In other words ... come on out and fight like a man ... not like some cowardly night crawler. Muhammed (or Mohammed or however you spell it) would be so embarrassed.
And while we're talking about prophets, Jesus doesn't seem to get torqued when Christians draw pictures of him ... even when they make him look like Jeffrey Hunter. Could you calm down a bit when people draw a picture of what's-his-name? It's not like you're being made to hang the picture in your house. Look ...we even have little plastic Jesus thingies on the dashboards of some of our cars. Have you even given any thought to how much you could make with little plastic Mohammeds for those taxi drivers in Minneapolis? You know ... the ones who don't want to carry people with those little bottles of rum they're bringing back from the Bahamas?
How about Darfur! Knock off the genocide stuff, how about it? You would be screaming bloody murder if someone tried to practice genocide against Muslims, wouldn't you? In fact, hasn't the United States stepped in and prevented just such a situation in the past? Some thanks we get. Now I can think of a lot more ... but this would be a start, wouldn't it? We start calling God Allah, and you folks try to become just a little more warm and fuzzy. Come to think of it, you have the fuzzy thing covered. Work on warm.
How about it?
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