Friday Oct 09 2009
The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien
Today, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass.
It’s a great honor for America that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Unfortunately, our economy is so bad, Obama’s already been forced to trade the medal in at “Cash 4 Gold.”
President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize comes with $1.4 million in cash. Or as Fox News reported it, “Obama Caught Taking Bribe from Swedish Government.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You Won't Win A Nobel Prize
10. You invented swine flu9. Misspelled "Nobel" and "Prize" on application
8. Mathematics paper notes "all figures approximate"
7. There's no Nobel Prize for napping
6. Your peacemaking efforts focused on Jon and Kate
5. You're up against Tina Fey — she wins everything!
4. Only prize you've ever won was for eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes
3. Devoted your life to creating a sushi that will still allow Jeremy Piven to act
2. Only medical experience? Sticking a needle in A-Rod's ass
1. Barack Obama flew to Sweden to plead on your behalf
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Big news: We bombed the moon this morning. We sent a missile into its surface. That’s gotta be a lesson to North Korea and Iran — we bombed the moon for no good reason at all.
A day after declaring war on the moon, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Vice president Biden was awarded the Nobel Hair-Piece Prize.
Along with his trophy, the president will receive $1.4 million in prize money . . . so say hello to a whole new closet of mom jeans everybody.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Congratulations to President Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. That’s quite an accomplishment. I’m sure he’ll pick it up as soon as he’s finished fighting two wars.
Along with the Nobel Peace Prize President Obama also gets $1.4 million. Usually to get a check that big you need to blackmail David Letterman.
The Jay Leno Show
Congratulations to Barack Obama — he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president’s fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer.
President Obama said he was humbled to win the prize. Not as humble as he was when Rio got the Olympics. But still humble.
President Obama said he will go to Oslo, Norway to collect the award. Roman Polanski said, “It’s a trick — don’t go; you’ll be arrested.”
That’s pretty amazing, winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far . . . winning the Nobel Peace Prize.
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